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Grieving Personal Wounds
While recently at a men’s conference on sexual addiction, the group I was facilitating had been processing the relationship between personal wounds and sexually acting-out. While it is often exciting to watch men reconnect with their hearts and risk vulnerability by sharing painful experiences, I encountered quite a bit of resistance from the group. Men often ask me what the purpose of "rehashing" the past, "blaming" one's parents, or they will give me a monologue on "choices" and "personal responsibility." Their questions are fair and deserve answers, but to miss the issues behind them is to miss the heart of the man that asks.
Some wounds leave us so deeply injured that even looking at them can be terrifying. We are not only afraid of hurting again, but of whatever unknown we may dread finding. Sadly, we trade God's healing touch for the certainty of the mundanely dulled and bruised heart. To us, this can feel better than the dread of having our hearts split open, spilling into our own consciousness or for others to see. But whether we acknowledge it or not, we still bleed from within. This is why our addictions have kept us in bondage for so many years. Willingly and sometimes happily, through acting-out, we turned our backs on our own hearts as they bleed from within.
Acknowledging a wounded heart is not "rehashing," "blaming" or skirting "responsibility" for our own actions/transgressions. When we acknowledge our wounded-ness we ARE taking responsibility for our hearts, and that honors God. Acknowledgement moves us closer to truly surrendering these wounds to God so He may begin to heal them. God patiently respects our unwillingness to acknowledge wounds, for a while. Fortunately he also loves us enough, that in our unwillingness, he allows crisis to bring us face-to-face with our wounds and our transgressions.
For many men struggling with sexual addiction, a crisis of truth may take the form of

having one's transgressions exposed. While this is usually humiliating, I frequently remind couple's of God's graciousness and his heart for them. A loving Father does not allow his son/daughter to continue in sin indefinitely without confrontation. Being brought to a crisis of truth is an opportunity and chance for redemption. For some, it may not be possible to reconcile a broken marriage, but for many others it is still possible. Regardless of what is lost, a chance is given to reconcile with God and with self. Reconciliation with self can never happen without an honest look at one's wounds.
Healing wounds can start with resistance. Like any other feeling, resistance can tell you something about yourself. If you feel defensive or resistant about an issue, you may actually be afraid to address it. Your resistance may be telling you to dig deeper and deal with some specifics of an issue. It is not "rehashing," but addressing the issue or wound. You may have a pattern of acting-out sexually to deal with the wound. If you are taking responsibility for your wound by addressing it honestly, you cannot be "blaming." God will honor your efforts to take responsibility and will graciously see you through the process of healing your wounds, if you let him (Rom 8:28).
Copyright 2004 Bob Parkins, LMFT - all rights reserved

About the Author: Bob Parkins, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Fair Oaks, CA. Bob works with individuals, couples, groups, and families to help them heal from emotional wounds and the symptoms they cause. Bob Parkins, LMFT facilitates a weekly men's group for sexual addiction. Visit Bob's at http://www.bobparkinslmft.com/ Source: www.isnare.com

Tags: drug and alcohol addiction, eating, gambling, food disorders, stop smoking

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Giving Up In Dealing With Your Fears Is Not An Option
Your fears, anxieties, and other problems have the best of you and you don’t know where to turn for help. At some point you feel totally helpless as you struggle each day. What do you do?
As a layman and an author of a Managing Fear book, there were times that my fears had the best of me. Through these experiences, there is one thing that I learned. You can’t hide or runaway from your fears.
Taking drugs, drinking, or other addictions will not take away your problems and fears. In the short run, they will make you feel better but in the long run these addictions will only make things worse.
So what do you do to make your problems and fears go away? Well, since you can’t runaway from them, then the best solution is to tackle your fears head on no matter how strong they may be. The key is to be smart in how you try to manage these fears. Here are some ways in how to manage your persistent fears and anxieties.
Take it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself.
Learn how to manage your fearful thoughts that may be difficult to manage. When experiencing a negative thought, read some positive statements and affirmations that help lift your spirits and make you feel better. Remember that your fearful thoughts may be exaggerated so balance these thoughts with realistic thinking and common sense.
Take advantage of the help that is available around you. If possible, talk to a professional who can

help you manage your fears and anxieties. They will be able to provide you with additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem. By talking to a professional, a person will be helping themselves in the long run because they will become better able to deal with their problems in the future. Managing your fears and anxieties takes practice. The more you practice, the better you will become.
When managing your fears and anxieties do not try to tackle everything at once. The best solution is to break your fears or problems into a series of smaller steps. Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.
Managing your fears and anxieties will take some hard work. Trying to avoid you problems will do nothing in getting rid of your fears and anxieties. Sooner or later, you will have to confront your fears and anxieties. Remember that all you can do is to do your best each day, hope for the best, and take things in stride. Patience, persistence, education, and being committed in trying to solve your problem will go along way in fixing your problems.

About the Author: Stan Popovich is the author of "A Layman's Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods”-a book that presents a overview of techniques in managing Fear. For more info go to: http://www.managingfear.com For free articles on managing fear please go to: http://www.managingfear.com Source: www.isnare.com

Tags: gambling, eating, addictions, shopping, compulsive behavior

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Getting to the Bottom of Addiction Myths
There are many myths about addictions. This is my attempt to clear a few of them up.

One myth that is pretty popular is the one claiming that positive addictions are good for you. There is no such thing as a positive addiction, addictions are self-destructive and always lead to negitive effects.

Myth number 2 and probably the biggest is; Certain substances are addictive. Well this is true if you change that sentence to; Certain substances *can* or *might* be addictive. Ill explain. After surgery, patients are sometimes allowed to self-administer morphine. Morphine is the medical form of heroin. Yet most people who rely on morphine after surgery, don't get addicted to it. Millons of people smoked marijuana. Relatively few who use it, use it to the point of abuse. Almost everyone has had a drink before. But few acually become alcoholics because if it. Or what about sex? 99 percent of us have sex at one time in our lives, and many of us have sex constantly but we dont develop an addiction. And finally millions of people have experimented with cocaine, crack and other hard drugs. Many become addicts, but not everyone.

The point is that people dont nessacarly become addicted to a substance becasue of the substance, but becasue of thier choice. We all have made a choice about substances. Most of us have tried one form or another of an 'addictive' substance or activity, but yet many of us remain addiction free. Although our brains develop addictions becasue of a dependance created by our brains. This dependence is because certian drugs and activities produce iregular levels of chemicals

that make us feel good. Then over time, our bodys stop producing it naturally, and then we crave the drug that re-administers it. Will power and self respect and control are more powerful in the beginning than any addiction. And we all have the ability to change our behaviours. Substances don't take you over and make you act in an addictive fashion any more than: Cars make you drive, and books make you read.

Will anyone who uses an addictive substance too much become addicted? Not nessacarly, resent studies have proven that addiction can be hereditary. We know this does not occur in everyone, any more than diabetes occurs in everyone who eats to much sugar or food. In many cases, genetics is one factor for determining who develops the disorder. Check here for drug abuse rehab information.

Addiction can be hereditary. This myth is slightly true. It is proven that some people have an 'addictive personality' or have certain personality traits that an addict might have. We have linked certain characteristics of genes to addictions and have proven that certain genes are hereditary. Does this mean that addiction IS hereditary? Maybe. There is thousands of people who have had addictions and thier parents have never. Many people have severe addictions and have children, and the children never form any addictions. This being said, ill let you decide if addictions are hereditary.
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Article source: http://www.online-health-source.info/General-Addiction/Getting-to-the-Bottom-of-Addiction-Myths/

Tags: addictions, smoking, drug and alcohol, food disorders, stop smoking